Post 8

Are you there Satan? It's me, Morganne

Tonight, you've decided the slump wasn't enough. You thought you'd switch it up on me, do something completely off the wall, something completely different. You figured you could catch me off guard, off my A game, catch me "slipping", if you will, huh? You expected me not to know how to handle these sorts of situations and expected me to fail miserably, throw my hands up, and give in. Well, as insane as he has been, I'm handling this situation like a champion if I do say myself. I only wanted to formally thank you, for annihilating my Friday night with him. You know good and well that I don't have my kids this weekend, and tonight was supposed to be a night for just us two, just him and I. We needed this night, Satan. You stole it from me, and from us. 

Tonight, I saw the other side of him. I saw the Jekyll/Hyde side of him tonight. He doesn't come out to play often, but when he does, it's super strange, super scary, super discouraging, and super hard to freaking take for me.  I have to walk on eggshells 100% of the time until it wears off, or he falls asleep. He has this cross-eyed, one eye crossed, look across his face, like he's got a horrible taste in his mouth or something., and it's almost disturbing. His aggression is at an all-time high. My anxiety is through the roof, and continued to rise since the second he looked at me with that strange grin.  His entire demeanor switched up on me. I was almost shocked. I actually made fun of the first comment he made to me, when he had his ear placed all the way underneath my youngest son's dresser in his bedroom, listening for "vibrations and voices". How sad. It was probably completely wrong, immature, and disrespectful as ever to do something like that, but it was almost like word vomit, if that makes sense at all. I felt physically forced to stating my opinion, just in a really rude and sarcastic way. I honestly couldn't believe my eyes at first. This 31 year old man had his ear all the way under my son's dresser Satan, in which let me remind you, has MAYBE, at the very most, a three inch gap between the dresser and the floor. Unfathomable. But then again, it makes me so angry at you, because once again, this is all your fault. 

There is never any certainty with yours and his relationship, Satan, no loyalty on your end, just pure chaos, inconsistency, and malicious behaviors. Let me explain something to you. The dresser, listening for voices and vibrations, that was just the beginning and practically a PG version of what really went down. Every second of the entire evening, he has yet to stop moving. He scratches his head, then his balls, then digs at his legs, and his stomach, scraping off every scab he previously created throughout the week during one of his episodes like this one. After digging for a solid hour straight,  I say I'm going to take a shower. Well, he seemed upset when I explained our shower was too small for the both of us to take one. "Upset" meaning he FLIPPED OUT. Like flipped his entire brain upside down and then rightside up again. He mentally could not stomach the thought of me taking a shower without him. Satan... we NEVER take showers together, I typically don't like that sort of thing, it freaks me out, and I just like to relax by myself during this time of the day. 

While I'm standing there half naked, I just stare at him stunned at his reaction.  WIthout a single solid clue as to how the heck I'm expected to react or respond to such nonsense, I just continue to stare in disbelief. I almost felt sorry for him, it was that embarrassing. But as soon as I felt sorry for him, I was QUICKLY reminded as to why I didn't feel sorry for him AT ALL. He was absolutely out of control, for the silliest reason, and it's your fault. He's such a calm, gentle, and understanding, easy to get along with human being. But once again, you made him a freaking monster, and now, a delusional one. Satan, I watched him pull out of my mother's driveway, pull away, in route to work, his second day back, where first impressions are everything, and I go back inside to start the day, right? I no more than sit down on the couch with my new laptop in my lap, when he comes FLYING through the front door, utterly and genuinely PANTING for air. I was absolutely flabbergasted, and somewhat afraid that something had happened to him, or my car. It caught me off guard to say the least, until I sat and remembered one distinct detail about this story in its entirety. He had been up for over 32 hours. I'm pretty certain I don't need to explain anything after that. He was dilerious. 

He looks up at me, once he caught his breath, and says, "I'm not stupid Morganne, I know that random truck next door was waiting on me to leave, so he could come inside with you.", with the most awkwardly strange and eerie grin on his face, that out of place, strange. Then, the icing on the cake. He starts laughing at himself, like OUT LOUD. He's cracking up at himself, in a tone of voice I had never heard come out of his mouth. I was actually concerned for a second, but there was no in hell I'd let him know that. I just sat still, completely frozen and silent. I didn't dare move a muscle. I knew better. I always know better. It was almost as if he were looking and talking right through me and responding to himself on the other side. I don't know if he even recognized me at this point. He was so blank. Like one of those situations where you want to wave your arms in front of their faces, or knock on the top of their heads, like "hello, are you in there?". I'm sure that sounds silly at the moment, but let me assure you, there is NO comedy in this situation. 

What happens next? 

Guess you can wait until next time I feel like griping at you. My hand hurts and I'm getting irritated just thinking about all of this. 

I wish you'd just let my poor family live in peace once in a while. 

Morganne.